On Leading and Following

How can both dancers in an embrace lead and follow at the same time?

It sounds impossible but this contradiction is a feature of all the best social tango. We are not talking about leaders and followers simply taking it in turns to decide on the next step. We are talking about something more fundamental  - the nature of the lead/follow relationship.

The language we use here isn’t our friend. ‘Lead’ and ‘follow’ seem to imply a hierarchical relationship in which the leader decides what’s happening and the follower does his or her best to keep up. If the follower doesn’t interpret the leader correctly and gets left behind when he moves then, it’s the follower’s fault. In this model the leader leads every step and the follower duly follows.

But there is a better model. It’s this:

The leader invites a step ( but doesn’t move)

The follower accepts this invitation and begins to move

And the leader follows the follower.

In practice this is seamless, but the effect is transformative - particularly if you’ve ever had the unfortunate experience of being hauled round the dance floor by a leader. It allows the couple to move through each step as one. Moment by moment leader and follower are conspiring to produce a step in perfect harmony. 

Exactly how the leader invites is a skill that needs to be learned. And sometimes leaders need to change their mind-set to make this possible. But if it can be achieved the benefits for everyone are huge.